My glasses just broke again. The nose rester oner thingy just snapped off. Stupid glasses.

I'm cold. Why am I always cold? I am turning into my mother. Also, I need new slippers. Winterfair, here we come!

I will be in my thirties for just one more day, and then after tomorrow, I will be one of "those people," the people who seem so mysterious and odd and slightly out of touch, those people who are "forty and over." Don't look at me like that. You know you look at them that way. In two days, I will be one of them. I think I'll fit in just fine.

To celebrate my mother gave me a pair of her favorite pants, and as she knew they would, they have become my favorite pants too, and now I never want to wear any other pants. However, I only have on pair, so it could get sulky and awkward around here.

I have failed to get a babysitter for my family birthday dinner on Saturday night and I feel stupid about it. That's probably my biggest fail. That's what's making me feel like a failure. I'm almost 40 and I still don't know how to schedule a sitter in time to be taken out for a really nice meal. Probably I won't be able to find anyone and I'll have to stay home while my whole family goes out to a fancy restaurant to celebrate my sister being in town. It will serve me right for being a super doofous.

Today I made an adult friend cry, but I really didn't mean to. It occurs to me, though, that maybe all the parents and students who are not in my class and have never been in my class have something right when they whisper frantically behind my back how I am the meanest teacher in the school and very scary and to be avoided at all costs. I was trying to make things better! I was trying to make the adult friend and the students more successful! Cue tears of despair. I don't know, but I feel foolish and awkward.

(HA! Husband just read off the dinner plan for tomorrow, and it's all left overs, his left overs, and all on him. SCORE!)

Mostly at my job I feel like it's impossible for me to make anyone happy with what I do and that I am constantly found wanting. I'm assuming this is true of everyone, and I know I'm not unique, but I'm sort of really feeling it today, especially with all the conflict and struggle over this unit matching up with that enrichment activity and totally rearranging all my lesson plans in a frantic, disorganized way for much of the morning as I desperately tried to figure out how we got so behind and how we are possibly going to get those stories written for the play by next Friday they HAVE TO BE DONE BY NEXT FRIDAY!

I'm glad I'm not an NFL referee. That looks like a dangerous job. You're the only fool out there in dress pants with no pads or helmet. Looks scary to me.

Aaaannndddd, that's all I have to say about that. Or any of that.

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ThisWomansWork/~3/y7zGkqqYh-8/

http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=5523

When I was a kid our house lived at the top of a hill. I would ride down the hill so that I could cross the backyards of our neighbors by the river and head into 4500. This was the neighborhood next to ours with sprawling properties including a Victorian mansion with a widow’s walk and a zip line that went on forever.

The way home was daunting because I was already tired and I still had to make it up that hill to get home and get to dinner. Sometimes I had to get off of my bike and walk it at the very end but after awhile I learned that the secret to making it all the way up the hill on my bike without stopping was to keep my eyes down on my feet pushing the pedals until I felt the road give way and I was at the top. If I looked up sooner I would see how far I still had to go and then I would give up. If I looked up too soon, I’d never make it.

Later in Al-Anon I learned that this was a way of taking it One Day at a Time. One push on the pedals at a time. One step at a time. That’s what I’m doing now and as long as I can keep my head down and breathe deep, it’s ok.

I got off track with grad school thrown by my flu and the GRE not happening when I wanted and then happening when I was sick and my total abject stage fright whenever I thought of my personal statement. I just sat there looking at how far I had to go and not doing a damn thing to get there. It was all too scary and overwhelming and I didn’t even know what questions to ask to make it easier so I just sat there and thought about how stupid I’d feel if I missed the deadline.

On Saturday, Becca had what my dad calls “a come to Jesus talk.” (Which is funny when you realize that my dad, Becca and I are all Jewish.) And it worked. I got her email. I cried a little bit. I sent one back and then I went downstairs and got to work.

Yesterday I hit “submit” on my grad school application. Next week I’ll hit “submit” on the next one.

Thanks Becca! I needed it.

This is hard going.

---

this woman's work, 2009. | Permalink | No comments yet | Come on by and comment!
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http://www.dooce.com/2009/11/12/once-upon-time

Every morning at about 9AM Chuck wanders upstairs having spent his morning doing WHO KNOWS WHAT in the dark corner of our bedroom. Something to do with candles and a tattered copy of Twilight probably, but he instinctively knows that it's precisely that time of the day that I like to take pictures. And maybe he's going to be in one of them. Hopefully today I will be in a forgiving mood and snap a shot of him lounging on the couch, doesn't matter, he gets a treat anyway if he balances that cage of live lobsters between his ears.

Which begs the question: why have I not tried that one yet? Anyone have access to some lobsters? Preferably some persnickety ones with anger management issues.

He knows it's time to work, always has, and if I don't make him pose for a picture he becomes listless, begins to stare nervously at walls and inevitably will stand next to one of us awkwardly like he's about to fall over. Even Leta notices this behavior, and last night when Jon and I got back from a quick business trip and she asked where the dogs were, her response to the fact that they were at a kennel was, "Can they please stay there?"

"You don't want the dogs to come home?" I asked.

"I don't!" she yelled. And when I asked her why she explained, "Because Coco is crazy, and Chuck creeps me out!"

I know! THAT'S WHAT GOTHS DO.

We recently started a chart where Leta can earn rewards if she gets herself dressed in the morning, goes to bed without a fight, and tries new things. That last part is pretty open, and she's earned points for trying new food, wearing a a pair of pants that had a displeasing texture (one that caused her head to fall off), and a few days ago we got her to touch Chuck. VOLUNTARILY. She was reluctant at first, but that reward chart just loomed in her brain, and out went her hand, two of her fingers hovering over Chuck's back. And then she did it, she dropped her arm and for several hundredths of a second her skin touched Chuck's fur, and the resulting shiver that went down her spine shook the bed wildly causing Jon to wince as his vasectomy had yet to heal.

Last week when it was time to get dressed up for Halloween, Chuck was ready to work, ready for the challenge, although there wasn't much of one to conquer. This year his costume involved nothing humiliating (relatively speaking) nor did it require him to pose in possibly illegal positions. Our goal this year was to help bridge the wide divide between the dogs and our wonderfully peculiar oldest child. Leta, the dogs can play castle, too!

Just to give you an idea of what we were working with, here's Katey in Chuck's full costume:

by dooce in Chuck, Coco, Daily, Leta

© Armstrong Media, LLC. All rights reserved. Originally published by Heather B. Armstrong for dooce.com as Once upon a time. This post cannot be republished without express written permission.

Dexter wallpaper :)




This way

- 36 Icons from THE OFFICE (episodes 6x07 & 6x08)
- 30 Icons from DEXTER, episode 4x07 (Dexter and Debbie)

PREVIEW:

   

-  no hotlink
- credit if use

more icons, HERE. I hope you like them ^_^

• 13:12 Jude is just about to have his first formula. I'm so sad. We made it almost 3 months, but he needs more than we can make. :( #
• 15:20 @maggiebaxter we have lots of drool going on over here, too #
• 16:55 First ballet class twitpic.com/p5jtz #
• 21:01 @judecorp I really hope there was a seriously good reason (and a bag of dirty clothes to prove it) #
• 21:03 I have my top-secret very big deal in the AM. Keep your fingers crossed that I get several hours of uninterrupted sleep tonight. #

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Yes, I *AM* this lazy

http://www.dooce.com/daily-photo/2009/11/12/saturday-afternoon-eyes

Last weekend we took advantage of some good weather and spent several hours "enjoying the evening" in the backyard, even though it was mid-afternoon. Meaning I sat with Marlo to the side as Jon and Coco chased Leta, and Chuck stood in a corner looking confused. Soon Marlo will be running through that yard, too, so I'm soaking up every moment that she doesn't mind sitting in my lap.

click image above to see the photo on dooce.com

by dooce in Daily Photo

© Armstrong Media, LLC. All rights reserved. Originally published by Heather B. Armstrong for dooce.com as Saturday afternoon eyes. This post cannot be republished without express written permission.

and we're still not 100% sure which address we are moving to... good fun. finishing up packing and cleaning. i can't wait for tomorrow. i am starting to worry about the rain forecast though.

[24] House S6E7
[24] Dexter S4E7

Preview:


More HERE @ atomicbeauty_nb

• 16:27 @HOPdotCom Thanks for all the great youtube channel suggestions! #

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What do you all think about starting a community for transcripts of Dexter? There's a community for House transcripts (clinic_duty) and I thought it might be cool to start one for Dexter. I'd be transcribing, but anyone else would be allowed to sign up to transcribe as well.

For those of you who don't know what a transcript is, it's basically typing out all spoken dialogue in an episode. (: I know that I use the House transcripts a lot when I'm doing picspams and want to add text for quotes or when I want to make quote icons.

So, share your thoughts on starting a community for Dexter transcripts.

(cross-posted to darklydexter)

Last night I was asleep by 8:55, topping the night before by a whopping 25 minutes. Whoot whoot! Go me.

Home group pot luck tonight, followed by a little "engaging suffering" activity seems to have been a bit of an antidote, it's 9:49 and I'm still awake!

The weather this week is due to be lovely. I rode my bike twice so far and I think I'll do it again tomorrow. I really like riding my bike. I need to remember that at 6:00 on cold mornings. I really do like riding my bike.

I think that now I'll go to sleep. Staying awake is hard.

Hello, everyone. I'm really excited to be posting my VERY FIRST AFTER PICTURES! My home is 1950 cypress built. When I got the house, pretty much everything was pink (including the molding). What started out as a little project became a pain in the neck for me and my dad and a gut job.

In the end, I wanted something relaxing that would not overwhelm such a small space. I added a touch of royalty for my little girl, and voila.



( before & after! )

Thanks for looking!

review of Dexter 4.7

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ThisWomansWork/~3/Dr89rXpQUT8/

http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=5521

Wavybrains said:

I also walk around wondering how “everyone else” manages to cook from scratch, wrangle toddlers, get writing time, get family time, and work on top of it. What’s funny is that I had you squarely in the “Everyone else” category–I’m always amazed at everything you manage to get done and everything you do with the kids.

Hahahahahahahaha! I really would never lie to you although circumstances dictate that sometimes I might fib by omission. But I never meant to pretend that things were awesome. I guess all those buck myself up entries came out too literal and there were glistening moments of awesomeness — just enough to keep me trucking on.

Here’s the truth to how I get everything done: I give stuff up. Like I get into a regular exercise routine but it’s the first thing to fall by the wayside when anything unexpected happens. And I don’t eat right. I scrounge left-overs off the kids plates and my good intentioned bagged salads go soggy and rotten in the crisper. I don’t get enough sleep and because I am not one of those people who can get by on little sleep, I end up depressed and function poorly — forgetting dates and things like basic vocabulary. (I can get by with my insomnia chewing on my psyche but sooner or later I have to sleep in to catch up or I am DOOMED and when I am this anxious, my insomnia is in high gear.) And my house is awful. I’ve never been a clean-freak but even I am ashamed at the state of my home. Also the kids aren’t doing as much homeschooling stuff as I would like. Especially Madison. And I pick fights with Brett because I’m tired and sad and angry about being tired and sad.

There is just no time. Not for the things that matter to me anyway and I am done with putting those things off and telling myself that someday I’ll get to do it again. I tell Brett — when’s someday? When the kids are grown? I can’t do this that long! (For the record, Brett is nothing but supportive because he is Brett.)

I feel negative all the time (I’m emailing with someone in another window who is in the same straits. It’s a relief to see that it’s NOT me — it’s trying to function under circumstances that have become impossible) and I’m angry all the time. Angry at the world. Angry at people who haven’t had to make the sacrifices that I’ve had to make. Angry at myself. I’ve called myself an idiot more times than I can count. (As my friend just emailed, “Yeah, anger plus self-doubt. A tasty brew.” Oh indeed it is, my friends.)

And I cry. A LOT. On the phone to my mother. On the couch in front of the kids. In the car with Brett. Oh boy do I cry.

It’s situational and I know what the situation is and I know it has to change. And now that I’ve decided to change it, I am happier. I will be happier still when I’ve actually changed it and then I’ll blog in more detail but for now, I’m going with hope because the day-to-day stuff is killing me. Because there are two things that matter to me more than anything: My Family and My Writing. If I don’t have time for those two things, it all sucks no matter how good it is. And I don’t have time for those two things and this is no longer working for me. I’m not gonna apologize for it anymore (although I probably will still feel a little guilty about it because I know what I need to get by is maybe more than what other people need and I am very ambivalent about this but I will write more on that later).

---

this woman's work, 2009. | Permalink | 18 comments so far | Come on by and comment!
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(Used with permission)

I'm still working on building my "personal brand." It's something I never really heard of until the past six months or so. A personal brand is that public presentation of what you're best at, what you're known for, what your reputation is, what you do.

Jen Deshler wrote a great post a few months ago, and I just noticed it today.

Jen suggests that your brand is something that's always open for revision. She's rebuilt hers on several occasions, as she's recognized where the strengths and weaknesses in her professional reputation lie.

Take a look.

http://jenniferdeshler.com/2009/09/01/retooling-your-personal-brand/

Ms. Deshler is a Marketing Manager at Thomas Nelson Publishers. Currently, her bio says, "I have the privilege of working with the best authors in the business, leading a team of people with unique and wonderful talents, and being constantly on the lookout for ways to gain new readers." I wonder what it will say after the next retooling.

Follow Jeff on Twitter
Consider dropping him a message first so he's expecting it, too.
He blocks people he thinks are spamming.

Ok, get this.

Chris Brogan is reputed to be the #1 blogger in the world.

Chris Brogan's #1 category in his category map is... Uncategorized!

Does this mean that category maps don't matter?

I'm gonna venture a big no here. His #2 and #3 and #4...and so on categories are quite relevant and interesting.

And hey, I have something in common with Chris Brogan. Almost all of my 2,000+ posts are uncategorized, too.

I must be a superior blogger.

:|

• 21:30 reviewed TwitBird Pro ... on iPhone. Get TwitBird Pro ... bit.ly/2RHLGW. Get Chorus bit.ly/41dh20. #
• 21:33 reviewed iThrowU! on iPhone. Get iThrowU! bit.ly/2Ea6cT. Get Chorus bit.ly/2Vm34Q. #
• 10:16 Acutely aware that the best days of my life are almost over. #
• 10:22 @mamajoan yes, my 12 weeks are almost over. Makes me want to vomit #

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Yes, I *AM* this lazy